Number game

Life is a number game. Everything revolves around numbers. From your address to your bank account...from your waist size to your pant size.

Weighing myself used to be painful. I'm not sure why I used to step on the scale. I had to know the number wasn't going down. A miracle hadn't happened. I couldn't just eat whatever I wanted and expect the scale to go down! But, I did. I just thought that maybe, just maybe, a miracle would happen.

I just couldn't take it anymore. Why on Earth was I still stepping on that stupid scale!?! Ah ha! Possibly one little part of my body was urging me to go on a journey. A journey of endless numbers? NO! A journey to end the number obsession.

I've lost 15 pounds. This is the most weight I've lost by doing the right thing. Sure, I've lost weight before...and I've also gained it back and then some. I'm doing the right thing now. I'm making a life style change. I'm not on a diet! I'm changing my future.

Do I have a number goal in mind? Yes...but I don't really know what that number looks like. I've never been the ideal weight...usually a little on the chunky side. I don't know how my body looks at 140. I know what my body looks like in a size 10...I'm in a 12 now. I'd love to be a size 8...but again, I have no idea what that looks like - on me. Once I'm comfortable in my skin, I'll level off.

To be comfortable in my skin, my mind has to believe what's going on. My self esteem has to be high. My spirits must be lifted. I have to feel within my soul that - "I can do this!" I'm starting to feel that now. I see the light and it's not very far away. I'm almost there.