Learning to let go

I fully believe the reason I've never kept weight off is because I've never said "good-bye" to the chunky girl. There are many ways in which I could have done this and I didn't.

I didn't:
*get rid of big clothes - I guess I just knew I would need them again...what if I gain all the weight back? Because I will!
*give myself the congratulations I deserved - I was hard on myself instead for not losing more...good job for NOT losing all the weight you wanted to...way to be a quitter!
*didn't let other people know how well I really did - it's not that I was ashamed of how much I lost, I was more ashamed about how much more I didn't lose...I'm not going to show off this little weight loss, why couldn't I just lose more weight and show THAT off!
*buy new clothes - I had old clothes I could fit into...why on Earth am I going to spend money on something that isn't going to last and I have perfectly fine clothes from high school (oh geez!)

Now I know what I want to do...and that's the first step!
Have I gotten rid of any clothes? No...but I will! I know what fits and I know what's loose...so it's just a matter of weeding them out.
Am I proud of myself? You bet your butt I am!
Am I letting people know of my accomplishments? I'd say...YES!
Am I wearing old clothes? Yes...only for now though. I'm not going to buy new clothes when I know a smaller size is in sight! Right!?!

I'm still having difficulty looking in the mirror and not seeing "chunky girl." At times I look and I see who is truly there and I smile and think what great progress I'm making. But I usually see a big blob staring back at me...and probably at a weight I've never been. This truly is more than a weight battle...it's a self worth...self esteem...but mostly self respect. I haven't been respecting myself. I also haven't been demanding respect from other people. It's easy to pay little attention to the amount of respect others give you when you give yourself so little.

I have the workouts down. I have the healthy eating down. I'm still working on the self respect. I truly have to use the energy I have left at the end of the day to celebrate me. There are things and a person in this world who wouldn't be here without me. My daughter deserves a mommy who teaches her how to be a self-respected woman.